Marriage is not a license to a world of loss of attraction for the opposite sex who is not your spouse.
Sometimes, you can meet a person who seems to be a spec or even have better qualities than your spouse and soon, you're getting so attracted to him/her.
When that begins to happen, I want you to first of all accept that you're getting attracted to this person. It can happen, so don't form "I'm married and it can never happen to me". _Na so some influential people enter wahala- Denial._ Maybe the person has even noticed and is catching feelings for you also. So, don't live in denial!
It's, however, not a time to sit in defeat, thinking of how you may have made a mistake by not waiting till now to have married this new person. Neither is it a time to start pointing accusing fingers at your spouse, both in your mind, verbally and attitudinally. Say NO to that!
Rather, Do These:
When you have accepted what's going on with you, REMIND YOURSELF of WHY you chose your spouse amongst the billions of people in the world.
This is independent of how they're behaving at the instance. Cast your mind back to when you started dating and what made you say YES in the first place. (This is why I always emphasize on choosing for the right reasons, not because your family or friends think he's good for you, or because he's rich
These will fade and you may be defeated at this point, especially if you and your spouse are having some "issh" at that moment).
You may have to write out REASONS WHY YOUR CHOOSE YOUR SPOUSE, just in preparation for days like that, when your head will be remembering only the weaknesses and low points of your relationship with your spouse.
NEXT, renew your commitment to stick to your spouse FOREVER... Like Forever! Marriage is built on COMMITMENT, beyond the passion love brings. You need to understand that you're Committed to this person for life (for those who want to build everlasting marriages).
Next, begin to detach yourself from this person, mentally and physically. Avoid thinking about him/her; chatting/speaking for long with him/her... Just do anything you can to avoid prolonged and unnecessary contact with this person, especially if it's in your hands to control. If it's at your workplace, keep everything professional. Avoid going for lunch with him/her.
If you're still not getting off him/her, talk to your SPOUSE about this new crush who wouldn't leave your mind. Yes, this will save you the guilt of cheating and covering up just because you're keeping unnecessary secrets and weight which is beyond you. And tell your spouse to be your accountability partner. Sometimes, what you need is a reassurance from your spouse and your head will correct, suddenly.
If you think your spouse may not be understanding, speak with a GODLY, MARRIED, OLDER friend of the same sex. Take note of the words in uppercase letters. Please, avoid telling a person of the opposite sex, to avoid moving from dealing with having a "Crush" to being a "Crush".
And don't forget to ask the Holy Spirit for Wisdom and help.
As a general rule, don't get yourself robbed in long and deep conversations with your EXes, either through chats, calls or physical meetings. For physical meetings, you can make it a couple meeting, rather than just going there alone, to avoid "I can explain... That was not the plan... How did we get here..."
Remember, emotions no get respect for status or Anointing.
For your EXes, Maintain a distant and open friendship with them, if it's necessary. There are some that you know that their agenda is to ruin your marriage- those ones who keep telling you how they missed you every now and then, RUN FROM THEM AND NEVER LOOK BACK!
In this marriage journey, we'll enjoy our spouses and grow old with them in love, joy, peace and prosperity. No room for the devil's manipulations and/or (wo)man's carelessness.
Our marriage is blessed and favoured!
© Esther Onyekachukwu-Ugwu
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