On
January 24, 2018
Compiled by CC Ejiofor
Compiled by CC Ejiofor
As an introductory
step, today, I would love us to deliberate on three major things to have in
mind when the ship starts to sway. Three points to consider before you decide
it’s no longer working.
This topic is very dear
to me as I was a young lady who was super scared of commitments—there was
always a reason for me to run. A slight
misunderstanding and I was already rethinking the whole arrangement but with
time, God began to build staying power in me.
It's still hard, some
days I want to be left on my own and some other days; I wish it was all
different. So, over time, I've come to learn these
I would like us to
remember that relationships transcend the popular man-woman relationship to
even our relationship with course mates, colleagues, friends, family members
and God. Bearing this in mind, as we deliberate on the man-woman kind, see if
the same principle applies to other facets of your dealings and apply it.
THREE
THINGS TO HAVE IN MIND WHEN THE SHIP
STARTS SWAYING
There’s this Igbo adage
that says: “obu onye no mmadu nso n’anu isi eze ya” Translating loosely, it’s
when you begin to get closer to people that you start to perceive their mouth odor.
My mum would say this during conversations about quarrelling relatives. From a
distance, every one of us appears perfect to the other till the distance is
bridged. Then, we begin to make out faults and often times it’s non-issues that
steal our peace.
Therefore, before you
pull the plugs on that relationship, I want you to carefully consider these
three points.
1. There is no place
where your patience and good natured-ness is tried more than in
relationships—close-up relationships; man-woman kind. If you’ve ever prided on
how virtuous you are, there’s no better place to put those virtues to test.
Here, your excesses are trimmed and the fire of misunderstanding purifies you
bringing you forth as pure gold. So, before you jump ship, look at the bigger picture.
Is this slight misunderstanding teaching me to speak my mind, to be considerate
to the needs of others or even teaching me perseverance?
It's very easy to claim
to be patient till you have to wait at the bus stop for an extra thirty
minutes. What happens then?
2. When you falter in
your relationships; most times, the other party wasn’t really the problem—okay,
they may have contributed to a good chunk of it. But really, you shouldn’t wipe
your hands clean off the blame. You say, “I’m just a work in progress.” Did
they ever tell you they were perfect?
This is not to excuse
bad behaviours but to encourage us to be more realistic when taking decisions.
If the situation can be put right, why not work on it?
I have always been
someone who placed herself on a pedestal. This was good, it enabled me push
myself to be and do more. I was always challenging myself to improve. I
believed that I deserved the best and I feared to settle for less. This was a
good decision. It kept me away from a lot of unnecessary relationships that
wouldn't have led anywhere: But then, there was a little problem. I knew I
wasn't perfect and I worked to better myself. But I didn't give others the same
privilege. It wasn't a conscious decision but one could see it in the way I
flared up at every small misunderstanding.
Tell me you'll call
back in five minutes and do just that. A minute extra irked me. And this was
coming from a lady that believes she isn't perfect. But everyone else had to be
a demigod. The way, we easily excuse our excesses? This brings me back to the
second point. If the situation can be
worked on, why not?
3. Your relationships
should teach you to value yourself. The core people in your life should
constantly be building your esteem, not wearing it down. And when that’s not
the case, love yourself enough to make some changes.
As much as I’m an
advocate of second and even third chances, you are too priceless to be with
someone who doesn’t value you. You are worth more than you give yourself credit
for!
If they use words that
put you down, call you names you don’t like, mock your ideas, hit you; be wise
enough to take the right step. In addition to this, be a builder too —build
your friends up!
I'm a sucker for family
and companionship but even I, know, that some relationships aren't worth the
stress.
I made this entry in my
notes, after my dealings with a friend.
You know the way you
want to tell a friend about an idea and begin by saying something like: this
may sound stupid but... Good! Not with this friend of mine, he would be
quick to tell you that your ideas cannot be stupid! And you dare not call your
actions silly. He would be on your throat.
What do you suppose
begins to happen to your view about yourself?
“Do not leave yourself in a relationship where
your peace of mind is lost; where your self- value is always depreciated.” Chisom
O.
A broken relationship
always pushes people to two extremes:
·
Some spend all of the time and energy
bemoaning themselves or even hating the guy/girl—and every one of the opposite
sex
·
While, some put that same energy into
building themselves up
These three points are
to have you take a pause before breaking up. Before saying it's not working.
But when and if you
decide that it's not the deal for you, please cry if you may, but get yourself up
and invest in you. It's going to hurt, I know. But, redirect that
energy. Your future self will be grateful.
Thank you, Ladies and
Gentlemen.
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