Dealing with Wounded Emotions

A Whatsapp Group Teaching by Esther Nwachukwu on 4th April,  2018.
Compiled by POSH Editorial Team

Dear reader,

This teaching is on dealing with wounded emotions. The teaching was originally an interactive class on POSH Academy Whatsapp group on 4th April,  2018. You will benefit from the lessons. Read and be encouraged.

Have you passed through an experience that hurt you so much; may be a heart-break, betrayal, fraud, robbery, rape or anything that left an indelible mark in your heart? Most people said yes to this. Are you one of them? Was it an enjoyable experience? 

I attended a leadership course at DayStar Leadership Academy (DLA)  in Lagos.  In one of our sessions in DLA, a lady asked a question which was very fascinating. I quote her:

"I was once in a relationship and I had a very wonderful time with my ex-boy friend. He was my everything and I enjoyed every bit of his company. But then, something happened along the line and he left me. Since then, I have been UNABLE TO LOVE ANY MAN AGAIN. Infact, I have this hateful feeling towards men so much. Please, help me!"

After the session, I understood that she was a single mother also. Looking at her, she looks like the mother of three but there she was, feeling so hurt. This is what many people pass through but they will never let you know. They live in this bondage of hurt and distrust all their lives, and it of course affects everything and everyone around them

Do you agree with this? 

While discussing this on Whatsapp,  a few people responded.  Someone said he doesn't agree.  Another said it is relatable.  One other person said she knows someone in the exact same situation. Someone even said that it is true that people hide their hurts because no one wants to be pitied or judged.

The lady who told me she knows who is in the exact same situation pointed out something.  She said that "when such thing happens, she believes that it is when you need to fight because the enemy wants to see you beaten down, downtrodden and have nothing good in life." She suggests physical therapy as the first thing to adopt like changing your wardrobe, spending on yourself unapologetic, look good, make nice hair, get new shoes and bags.

In her words,  "yes this is vain but I believe that in such a situation, your emotions are still raw because you are emotionally battered. When you look good, you feel good. It has something to do with common sense. Make your nails if you want, take yourself out, look beautiful, surround yourself with people who make you happy." Her approach is to let yourself forget the former things by making yourself feel good.

I want you to understand something. Offenses must come. Circumstances will not always be favourable. Bad experiences will want to register on your memories but what makes the difference is 

HOW YOU REACT TO IT!

Have you seen two classmates who failed an exam but behave in different ways? One is wailing, complaining,  blaming and swearing while another is thinking of WHAT HE OR SHE DID THAT THEY COULD HAVE DONE BETTER TO HAVE PASSED. That's the same thing that happens when we are hurt. We don't have the same emotional threshold and frequency. A member on the Whatsapp class likened it to the woman in the Bible that lost her husband and slept with the late husband brothers.

Someone else suggested this: 

"After being hurt,  when you're back home, cry all you want, curse all you want, get up, and fight your mental battle. Because I believe your sanity is attacked, some go as far as having suicidal thoughts and some eventually carry it out. What matters is not what happened but your reaction or response to it. Do you let it overwhelm you or do you stand and face your battle? Show them you're too strong to back down. There's nothing in this world that you must have. When you have this mentality, it's easier. No one is too special not to replaced. Except parents and family of course"

Another person said that "you should watch your emotional responses because how you react to situations is the key." Another person agrees with this but pointed out that "it is not always easy and that It takes self control." Someone else said that "it is your toughness in the situation that makes you stand out."

So, the thing is that so many people allow themselves live in depression because their boyfriends left them. Maybe your family just said NO to your marriage and you're already losing faith. You ask yourself: "Can I see someone as lovely as he was?"

 A member on Whatsapp wrote this: 

"sometimes, it's not just that they left; it could be because of the things of value they gave to their boyfriend. They may be regretting not being wise. Regrets of folly and guilt could be the trap. In any case,  your take on how you react still seals the game. You are just on point with that."

I don't claim to be an expert in this area but by the grace of God, I believe wounded hearts shall be healed and broken hearts mended in Jesus' Name, Amen.

First of all, I want you to understand that everything starts from the mind. Every action first began as a thought before it became full grown and became an action. So, because everything that ever happened to you started from the mind (of someone: it may not necessarily be you), HEALING STARTS FROM THE MIND TOO. The mind is a very powerful tool in our lives. For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he...

For healing of a wounded heart to take place, here are some few steps.

1. Forgive
2. Renew your mind
3. Seek help
4. Learn the necessary lessons
5. Move on with life

I will explain them one after another.

1. Forgive
 

A. Forgive the offender

Forgive that guy that broke your heart and went away. Forgive that family that refused you from marrying their son. Forgive everyone that is party to the wounded emotions. Just forgive them all! It won't be easy but just try to let them go. If you don't let them go, they will  become a weight that will pull you back from attaining the great heights you are meant to.
So, just let it go!

B. Forgive yourself 

May be everyone is blaming you for falling in love too fast or too much. Are you blaming yourself for having very intimate moments with him? May be you even slept with him sexually when you're not yet married to him and it hurts you so badly. You feel that you're a fool and lack sense.
But dearie, no amount of tears can bring back a dead man to life, so, why not cheer up. Forgive yourself and leave those thoughts behind.
Forgive yourself and others in order to commence the healing process.

2. Renew your mind

Remember, I told you that everything starts from the mind, including HEALING.
So,  let your mind not feed anymore on the horrible past memories. Think of a great future.

The Bible says thus:

"For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]." _Phil. 4:8

Change your thought life! Change what you listen to! Change what you watch! Change people you associate with if they are not helping you!
Get your mind renewed!!!

3. Seek Help

A. Seek help from God
The same way you pray for healing for that pain and weakness in your body, that's the way you need to cry out to God for help. The Samaritan woman in John 4 knew that she needed this healing for her emotions, hence she gave it all to Jesus. Open up to Him. Cry out to Him for help. Those times you feel like committing suicide, just cry out to Him for help. He's ever close to help you!

B. Seek help from counselors

Words will fail me to share testimonies of the great help counselors have been in my life.
Some have gone through similar experiences like you and are ready to help you come out of them like they have. Don't bottle it all up; talk to a reliable and knowledgeable person.
Seek Help from God and Counselors.

4. Learn the necessary lessons 

Only a fool doesn't learn from his experiences. The common man learns from his experiences, especially the bad ones. The wise however learns from other people's experiences.
Where did you get it wrong? Decide never to miss it again.
From the past relationship experience, write out the mistakes you made and resolutions on working on them to be better in order to fail in that area again.
Were you rude? Were you disrespectful? Did you give your body? Did you allow your heart go before your brain?
Learn! UnLearn!ReLearn!!!

5. Move on with life

Life goes on, my dear.
It's at this point that what Audrey said initially begins to come in. Enjoy yourself. Learn those skills you had always wanted to. The world hasn't ended yet neither has the rapture taken place, so, enjoy life now before you will be called up above.
Be happy! Be joyful! Be free!

I want to add here that it is not advisable to rush into the next relationship after a failed one. Allow yourself to heal! Just like a fracture that undergoes immobilization (rest and restriction from movement), so do you need holiday from relationship. Allow your heart heal wholly before going into the next one. If you go into the next, it may be infatuation and not real love. You may not know what you really want at that point: you may want comfort, irrespective of whoever it is coming from.
Someone said it this way in the whatsapp class: "Don't bottle it up!"

Most people are scared that their story may be broadcast but that shouldn't discourage you. Get the needed help and move on!
Have a timeout...

Someone in the class pointed out something thus: "another problem is that people rush into commitments. Some rush into carrying 100 liters without having the strength to carry 20 liters." 

People set big traps for themselves too. Remember, wounds are caused by either others or ourselves.  Looking at things all round is a big way to see the full picture.

If you're going through wounded emotions, place your hand on your chest and pray with me:

"Lord, i thank you for my life. Thank you for loving me UNCONDITIONALLY, even more than my Ex. Today, ............(mention today's date), I forgive ......... (Name or names of people that hurt you) for doing........ (Mention their offenses). I forgive myself too. (mention your offenses too).
I declare today that I have a sane mind. I have the mind of Christ. Old thoughts and mindset are passed away; my mind has become renewed. 

I declare today and always, that my joy will never be tied to any mortal but fully dependent on You. I declare that I am better and wiser and stronger. I declare that I'm healed in spirit, mind and body.
I declare that my destiny will never be truncated, rather i shall flourish. I declare that it's  a New Dawn for me today.

Thank You Jesus for not giving up on  me. I promise not to give up on Your plans for my life.
It is well with me now and always. It shall be for me for a testimony.
In Jesus' Name I've declared. Amen!